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Tuesday, February 28

At least I feel the means justified the end, actually.

I'll just have to train myself to be happy. Mr. old guy whistling, who's been walking around here lately, is empatheticlessly letting me know that, since he doesn't have a care left in the world (he's old), he's going to make me feel guilty by not reflecting his happiness back to him. I must be one of those young punks he's heard of, that just isn't cut out for working a business.

heh, not really. so,

I've got great news! No, Esteban didn't teach me how to stroke some cool chords up and down on the fretboard. No, I didn't save a bunch of money on car insurance by switching to Geico (not usually found in my kind of joke). Instead, I just won a lot of games by trading for Fernando Torres! He's personally responsible for 6 goals in 7 regular season games and for 3 goals in two Cup games. Plus, he threw in a nice assist - to boot!

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight....

Just a note to anyone else that might be playing, I couldn't have any fun with this game if I wasn't playing in the Master League, so..

Think of it as an RPG maybe, all mixed up with a soccer game!! Or, rather, that's what it is. And I've never played a sports game before where I felt like I knew each one of my individual players so well. They look and play like such individuals. And once the season stretches into two or three, stories build, and you really look to certain players that always seem to step it up when your simulated video game soccer championship title is on the line. etc.

Here's some other Shawn-interest news. Those legendary high school video tapes we made for AP English? Exactly. My mom found the tape, which I still swear I didn't have last, check Doug's maybe, and I watched them this morning. I was positive my brother wasn't home when I started watching them, but I was so embarrassingly screaming with laughter that I had to go check and make sure again. WTholyfuckingfunnyF!

Mostly, I think it was so funny because it was sooo embarrassing, and especially personally. The most embarrassingly funny part was during The Three Amigos where Ryan says 'Dance!' and starts shooting cap gun sounds at our feet, and I, staying in character I guess, start jumping my feet up and down. This could be construed as ok - hey, I'm just acting - until I frantically start motioning for the camera to stop rolling while still jumping up and down. And many other things...

Oh man, Mike Long. 'So, round up your doggies and uh, get em all in a circle around the tv so that you don't miss any of this good fightin' action, ya hear.'

Anyway. Lou? March Madness baby! I might come with Jeff next Thurday through Sunday? Your thoughts. (Except that I'll probably call you today, so)

Sunday, February 26

don't interact with me, just let me control the situation

alright, i think i need to get out of here. it is no longer a challenge to interact with people. i'm starting to not even try anymore. i've proved to myself sufficiently that i can do it if i need to and so now a lot of times i only give half effort. when i do this i start to not like myself.

the only reason i gave 100% before was because i couldn't let myself think i couldn't do it. but now that i can do it, i can't give 100%. i can just see things getting worse from here if i don't do something different soon. fuck, i hate doing things different. sorry, i meant, goursh darnit

Thursday, February 23

fuuuuuuuuuuuu

imagine that until you put a star-shaped item into a star-shaped hole you won't get a drink of water. also, you've been blindfolded and will be shot if you try to take it off. also, you've had one arm securely tied behind your back.

you stand in front of a wall 25 yards long and 6 feet high. there are tens of thousands of rectangular holes in the wall in a scattered formation. you are told there is one hole that is star-shaped. your throat already hurts a lot to swallow.

already, you have slowly and methodically worked you way down the wall and tried every hole. you could not fit the star-shaped item into any of the holes. you are assured there is a hole in the wall that is star-shaped by your best friend's voice, who may or may not be held at gun-point, obviously. ok, so you will try again. and again and again. but there's a catch. if it is determined that at any time you show a hint of frustration, you will be shot. also, your captors are watching a baseball game and every time someone gets on base you have to take three steps to your right and continue searching from there.

i'm sorry, this so stupid, obviously, but because of the greatness of winning eleven 8, winning eleven 9 is the worst game ever.

over and over and over i want to scream in frustration but i calm myself and think 'patience' and remember how much fun 8 was and that it will come in time.

problem is, i really think it won't. i think the game is ruined. problem is, i always think that it's my approach to the game that is wrong. the last game, i could almost play with my eyes closed because i'd learned the patterns so well. and it was so great of a game because even if i played perfectly i could lose here or there against great teams but could win properly 4-0 or so against worse teams. this game, however, appears to have no patterns.

so, of course, perhaps it's just because 8's patterns are so ingrained into my head and reactions. very possible. but...I HATE THIS GAME!!!!!!!!!

ok, so, also, maybe you just need to get the best players. maybe. but i have what i would consider very close 2nd level players. things don't look good.

first, the defenders aggression has doubled. on it's own, i would welcome this. second, crossing accuracy has decreased from ~90% to ~25%. this is not welcome. third, dribbling has some new animations. these animations range from being ones that make the player look uncoordinated to making him act as if he has all the time in the world. and this is without using any buttons, just using the analog and pressing it right or down, etc. it is four times harder to dribble past a defender and twice as hard to just fucking dribble. fourth, shooting accuracy has decreased from ~70% to ~30%. fifth, the 'super cancel' action has nearly become impossible to activate. what the super cancel does is allow you to control your player as normal in situations where the computer would normally take over like when your player is chasing a loose ball, the computer would constrict you to the straightest possible line to intersect the ball, but perhaps, you want to run past the ball and come around at it so that you intersect it from the opposite side, or, as another example, the computer sets you up for a header at mid-field but you notice that the opponent has better position on you, therefore, you super cancel and try to get in front of him. well, this is almost impossible to activate anymore. sixth, and maybe the most frustrating of all:

last year, this was also frustrating. there's an option to let the computer change players for you. the computer would then constantly be switching you to the player that it determined was the best player for you to control, the one closest to the action probably, or the one best able to make a play. obviously i would turn this off. however, beyond any reasoning, sometimes the computer would still auto-switch my player. this invariably would completely fuck me up. i'd already be reacting one way with the player i was controlling and then my player would switch and i'd end up running the player i was switched to completely out of the way the wrong way. well, this has increased by 5 times this year. i should almost just put the auto switch on and get used to it. also, and this never happened last year, but this year, many many times i'm switched to a player that's waiting for a ball while a player i wasn't switched to runs past the ball and was obviously closer to it. so maybe i try to switch to him but then it's too late and then the guy i previously was now gets all confused and also misses the ball, etc.

i can't explain how annoying this all is. and mostly because i play longer than default games and because i've had 5 of 11 games end 0-0. it'd be ok if i was getting crushed. i'd know i had a lot to work on or could lower the difficulty. thing is, i'm at 3 stars. last year i'dplay the max which was 6stars. this year, i completely dominate the entire game. basically the computer is so bad on three stars offensively that they lose the ball if they come in my end. to compensate, they pass it around their end as if we really are going to play for 90 fucking minutes. so, the games consist of me frantically trying to get the ball back off of them in their own end until they finally cross mid field where they lose possession immediately and i try for the millionth time to figure out some fucking way to score a goal.

the ways to score last year:

cross the ball from the side.
dribble your way around for an open shot just outside the box.
pass into the box and turn and shoot.
head in a corner.
score a break away.
TROUGHPASSTHROUGHPASS - the best way to score

so, for this year, crosses and headers are impossible, nearly.
dribbling is very very difficult and i only succeed becuase i get lucky, not because i put on a good move
throughPASSES have been completely altered so that they will almost never set up a scoring chance

it is so fucking frustrating. i keep playing and try to stay calm

ok, here's a little description of the crosses. most of the time, i cross the ball and no one goes for it and it just bounces on through the box and finally out of bounds. same with corners. so many times the forwards just don't even go towards the ball. and so many times im forced to contro a guy that isn't anywhere near the cross and so i switch and then it makes the guy i switch to stop running and tehn the ball rolls out of bounds for their throwin etc.
fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

Monday, February 20


for below

tonight, eh?

happened during a horrible, great, horrible night with steve, drunk in altoona. at least, towards the beginning, we walked into the Hampton, and steve said, watch, this will be funny, and i followed him to the lady behind the counter where he said, 'we were supposed to meet some friends here at the bar,' and she said, 'we don't have a bar,' hahaha, and then we acted like we were confused, and asked if maybe we were thinking of the Hilton, which she said wasn't one in Altoona, so then she suggested the Ramada, and we were like, 'hmm, yeah, maybe,' sort of, and then as we walked out we said things like, 'jolly good,' and 'i'll recommend this place to others,' etc.

true story.

also, other shit happened, like when we went to the ramada and no one was there so we walked around and looked in unlocked doors etc.

but then the bars we did go to backfired, you know?

etc.

so, that was tonight.

Friday, February 17

momentarily right

hey, haven't seen me in a while.

the miracle of drinking, sometimes.

you haven't seen me because i haven't been around lately. i've done a job i can be proud of. no, i didn't actively diffuse me resume'. i acquired a bad habit, and passively put an end to it. ahh. how i am.

on the plus side, when i'm thinking positively, i think of dan hampton, a chicago bears defensive lineman, and how, on the football tape, merchants of menace, he talked about how the body was an amazing thing and how it took care of itself. thus, i can reach my goal many ways, and maybe it's the only way i can reach it now. the way i'm doing.

maybe, in finding out about myself, i've dwelled too much on what i'm realizing i'm not easily capable of. i see i'm a way, and i think, ok, but, if i'm that way, then it would make THIS hard to accomplish, or, then i probably couldn't be THAT.

alcohol is also a positive force.

oh well. i'll probably get back to you after this movie and a cigarette.

peace dogs

Thursday, February 16

NEGATIVITY

not quite overwhelming, but it's so clearly frustration. if it were overwhelming i would cope with it by doing something. instead, it festers. i sit, clenching.

there's only this one thing that ever happens to me that makes me think i'm abnormal. it's a feeling, basically. it's the weirdest feeling. it's the strongest feeling. it doesn't do anything but when i close my eyes i see the texture of 'rough.' bear with the vagueness. i've never tried to write about this. it's the oddest thing and i have no idea what it is or how to describe it, but it's palpable - i've sat consciously with it before but couldn't learn much about it. it's so, almost primal, but not really. it almost seems like how it would feel if i was a puppet and the man just stuck his hand in me. or that i'm a windup toy, and i can feel it as they twist the rod within me.

definitely there's a vision to it. the feeling's very rare and usually is only there before during or after i sleep. when it's before i usually play with it. i induce it. i try to control it. i try to figure it out. it's definitely tension. it feels like rawness. it feels like there's a knife in my shoulder. it feels like there's a rock in my spine.

all of this isn't that important. it's just a feeling. a very strong feeling and i don't know of what, but it seems more bad than good. but maybe it only seems bad because i fight it. it's odd that i think i fight it when as i've said i encourage it. but it might be like if i tried to swallow a pill and then, getting scared i lock my throat and the pill sticks and becomes a thick pain and then i can't cough it up and it won't go down and so i just fiddle with it like people do when they keep tonguing an ulcer in their mouth. it's so painful but not overwhelmingly so. it's like when my shoulder is stiff and i don't have the patience to work it out properly and so i flex it harder, as hard as i can, and then i strain it and it hurts more than at first and i keep fucking messing with it. maybe it's like that. i don't know

oh, but the weirdest thing is that it's associated with the only two times i sleepwalked/was up adn was aware of being up but was basically unconscious otherwise. unconsciouness aside i was very aware of my situation - it was one i wanted out of. also, i consciously went around trying to get out of it. so i wasn't unconscious, but it was like my mind was so muddled - it was still sleeping - it was like when you're confronted with a problem in a dream and all you can think about is the problem and you know you need to flip a switch and think from a different, fresh part of your brain but you can't. you just dwell. same feeling, in a way, when you want to run but can't.

so, and i just want to think and write about the two separate experiences, so again, mind me that i'm pretending to write to you, being that i'm writing this and publishing it (although that is still undecided, but it helps if i think i'm going to). so the first time i was very young and i walked down my stairs and i turned on the tv. oh, more's coming back, but it's like second hand experience because i'm remembering how i described it before and it might be skewed. but, i sat on the couch trying to watch some kind of saturday cartoon, but i remember i was still carrying out a dream. it was a very frustrating dream. it was like that very old, simple, video game where you shoot missles at other missles that are landing on your 'city.' so in the dream things were falling and i was going back and forth trying to save everything but knew i couldn't. i tried walking around my house restlessly (no one else was up ~ 7:00am) trying to make it go away. i tried sitting in different places but it was really mostly mindless movements. i was helpless and frustrated.

the other time was during a sleepover at a friend's. there was no symbolic dream - just the familiar feeling and the dazed walking around hoping it would go away. i walked up the strange stairs in his house. no one else was up. i wandered. i was partially possessed. hypnotized. looking for something to snap me out of it. the thing was, i never 'snapped' out of it either time. it gradually went away, like coming down from a high. i don't remember having resulting lingering feelings the rest of either of those days. i don't think. the second time, i ended the feeling by engaging my mind in a video game. maybe i've been doing that ever since?

anyway, if i've ever been abducted by aliens, it was right before those two instances.

so, the feeling associated with those instances is the closest feeling to the one i have in frequently before i go to bed. the weirdest part about it is the texture that i see. it's always a vision of the same rough road or hard metal. it's like my body is deeply asleep and can't be moved but my brain is up and wants to move me. it's like trying to break free from handcuffs by pulling your arms apart. it's like that moment after you accept the beginning pain and you start to feel the raw pain - the pain that means damage. it's like i can't break free. i won't go any further, but i still want to go further i just can't right then and so i hold the worse pain hoping i'll get used to it and will then be able to pull harder. it's like the martial arts type guy that punches a wall over and over every day. it's the chinese torture of having someone comb your hair roughly and in the same place over and over and over and you don't complain because, what? you're going to say, 'ouch, ma'am, i'm the kind of guy that thinks having his hair combed hurts'

anyway.


sometimes i think thinking positively is the cruelest thing i do to myself. i might have a 'moment of weakness' and think 'i need to do this or that or change,' but then i tell myself that i'm just thinking negatively and i know that once i get my fix (exercise) that i'll feel fine about my current situation. maybe i shouldn't feel fine. i distract myself with entertainment, with babbling, with exercise.

something still seems wrong though. and i'm not too worried about it, contradictorily to this post. it just seems like 25 is too old to not be doing anything. but not in this era maybe. i've always had to be forced, sadly. but it will happen.

i just have no dreams. i don't think it would be nice to live at the beach. i don't think it would be fun to have any job in the world. i like the regular work routine more than vacations like christmas. these things are kind of sickening.

but, otherwise i wouldn't write anything here. sorry that the more abundant happiness things in my life don't end up here. it's just, i don't have the patience to sit and write when i'm happy and excited and energetic.

thing is, the first time i tried writing, i was maybe in middle school and i was excited and i started writing and my heart started pounding and i loved it but i didn't have the patience and the instant i got stuck i quit and probably played a video game and i never tried writing again. not real writing. not creating. just this. thinking out loud. droning. getting through. talking myself into a daze. losing

alright. bye

Like Above

i think i often mistake revelations for proof of failure.

hmm, this seems more than just a little true. currently i can see it in chess and in weight-lifting. it's happened before, in many things, piano for example. once it's clear what i need to do, is when i usually give up. this time i don't think it's going to happen though.

it's because i see how to do it right and instead of being happy that there's now a visible plan, i get upset at how i've been doing it so wrong for so long. i fear that i have grown such bad habits that i'll never be able to turn it around. all that seems more clear to me is how wrong i've been.

but i think i understand it this time. i'll hopefully just keep doing what i'm doing because even though i know it's not right, i know that what is right gets closer and closer each time.

i wake with a feeling and i know that i can feel the right way to bench for example. but by the time i've worked all day adn once adrenaline pumps and i get weight in my hands, the right form disappears.

it's like i prefer floundering around pretending there isn't a right way. i don't want a formular or it seems like my uniqueness is taken away, or like i realize my potential - and as i get closer and closer to seeing what i'm capable of, i get more and more disappointed. apparently i thought i was going to be a lot better than that.

my dreams have always been too big. once i realize this with each thing, with each hobby and skill, i usually quit the thing and look for something else. this is the kind of thing that i should tell a job interview when they ask for a negative trait - if i was to tell the truth.

add this up

like, the most addicting part of alcohol might have been the false sense of recovery that it gave. i was always assured of feeling better in time, and i didn't have to do anything, i just had to not drink. tomorrow there will be less pain, etc. but then, after 5 days or so, things were less predictable. questions were open. questions i didn't want to make a decision on. drink up. and even plus because it's a reward for going 5 days!!

...

HOUSE. wants pain because it's distracting. that rang too close a bell

really fucking hate

i really fucking hate how i'm the one responsible when i get pissed off

Wednesday, February 15

i feel like being angry at customers today. we'll see how that goes

Sunday, February 12

well, it's been a run, of figuratively literal proportions

the last post was my 300th post! let's all enjoy that. maybe later today i'll highlight a few of the special moments along the road to 300. 300 is a special number. not only does it have that mythical number 3 involved in its notation, it also is a number ripe with significance in the sport of baseball. ask a big baseball fan what the number 300 means to the sport and invariably they'll point out that if you hit .300 (3 hits in every 10 at bats) then you are considered an excellent hitter. batting .300 for a career, if long enough, will probably get you into the hall of fame. if you rolled your eyes when the big baseball fan answered in the former fashion about batting .300, rolled your eyes as in, 'obviously, give me another example of the number 300 in baseball,' the fan would probably mention that if a pitcher strikes out 300 batters in a season, well, that's super outstanding. however, press the fan futher on the significance of 300 and they might stall for a moment and then flounder with an answer like, 'well, baseball sure has a good chance at lasting 300 more years (?)' or something.

anyway, i was thinking about lloyd mcclendon, the recently fired pirates manager, and it got me thinking about his temper tantrums he'd throw on the field, stealing bases (literally)*, arguing with umpires, etc. the new manager, jim tracy, appears to be more like an instructor than a motivator. thinking about that contrast between the two managers and wondering which was better for a baseball team got me thinking about bill cowher and how he's a 'master motivator.'

now, all sports need intructors. but, during the playing of the actual game, the flow of the game requires a different kind of energy for each sport. football is a game of bursts of energy and emotion. focus is important, but adrenaline and instincts are much more important in football than in baseball.

so all this got me thinking about the role of fans in attendence. a football game, if it's extremely important, maybe an AFC championship game, is filled with a fan explosion after nearly every play. the players are rewarded for pumping themselves up and giving more than they've got. they want the reward of fan frenzy, it makes them feel more than human (i imagine) and so they dig deeper.

how about baseball. in baseball, hitting the ball safely 3 out of 10 times is a remarkable success. winning 6 out of 10 games is a fantastic percentage. the most common phrase uttered by baseball commentators is probably 'it's a routine play.' baseball players don 't thrive on emotion. they can't afford to live and die with each play. their motto is 'it ain't over until it's over.' stay calm focused and relaxed. don't squeeze the bat handle or you'll mess up your swing. don't squeeze the ball too tightly or you'll throw it with less velocity. be patient. wait. wait. do things correctly 3 percent of the time more than your opponent and after 162 games you'll be on top the league. watching a baseball game is similar. slow, mounting tension. fans applaud nicely for a 1st inning single. 'that's nice,' they might think. two routine outs later, a guy walks. noone notices at first, as he jogs down the line but then a few people do and they nudge their friends. people think, 'hmm, a little more excitement. all we need's a single and we might score one run.' now, maybe i'm downgrading baseball a little here, but it's probably because i'm a pirate fan. they've lost 3 percent more than they've won over the last 13 losing seasons and so all of that .750 getting out percentage is so much harder to take when you're never rewarded for your patience. but think a yankee game or a brave game. the crowd does get more excited, but they only get to roar a very few times a game. maybe just one big one at the end. football thrives on contant energy.

cool, check soccer. more similar to baseball than football. the players need to flow together, get in the same zone, same wavelenght. know what he's going to do so you know what you're going to do all before you even pass him the ball. there are so many options that you can do with the ball that you just have to trust your instincts and vision. make a mistake and you feel more like you got out of your rhythm. when you're playing well you wouldn't have thought to try to make that pass. you would have known what to do and would have done it. so, check the fans. constant humming, drumming. trying to create a daze. trying to let the players delve into their subconcious and just react and not think too much.

and behind it all - anticipation. soccer is most similar to hockey in anticipation. they are my favorite sports to watch. flow. visible flow. there is most definitely flow in a football game. it's called momentum. it's not as visible. it's neat though because there's always that chance for an individual to step up and break that momentum if it's against his team. he's called a playmaker. or a gamebreaker.

of course, hockey and soccer have this too. it's just, flow is easier to work against than momentum (just saying/making up).

all right. that's all for now. you know what i mean.

*devon, steve's sister's boyfriend?(you know). funny. oh, he's abe cernicks. that should help.

anyway, he was pointing out to me how funny it is that sports commentators always use the word 'literally' in its horribly wrong way. for example, 'he just literally tore his head off!' or 'the man is literally a monster!' and as i'm writing this i'm realizing how it's hilariously the word that they most emphasize. of course, this is just a form of exciting exaggerration, and i am literally the biggest fan of exaggerration. but it's funny that i didn't notice it before. 'this game has literally turned into a barnburner' translated means 'this game is more of a barnburner than any game i can currently think of and possibly the biggest barnburner of them all in history.' (i'm not getting into sports metaphors topic)

so, figuratively, i'm out, beeyatches

oh, not quite. i found it amusing (and it was actually the point i was making to devon that led him to make the above point to me) that announcers sometimes use the word literally redundantly. like, 'that was literally a great play' or 'he literally caught the football out of mid air.' i mean, you only need to use literally if you think people aren't going to believe what you're describing. 'like, mom, the tv literally fell out of the window and landed on his head.' then again, i'm also a fan of sneaky redundancies. like, i'll walk around now ordering burgers at a drive through like, 'yeah, i'd literally like two double cheesburgers' or 'are you serious in that you literally want me to dust the whole house.' hahaha, that one didn't work. but what's funny is she probably did.

then there was bye

Wednesday, February 8

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hyperreality

The birth of a hyperreality


Consumer objects have a sign exchange value, which means that they indicate something about the owner in the context of a social system (see Baudrillard). For example, a king who wears a crown uses the crown as a sign to indicate that he is king.

Fundamentally, sign exchange values have no inherent meaning or value beyond what is agreed upon. As sign exchange values become more numerous, interaction becomes increasingly based upon things with no inherent meaning. Thus, reality becomes less and less important, as sign exchange takes precedence.

If grains of sand are dropped one by one onto a table, at some arbitrary moment the grains become a heap of sand. Similarly, at some arbitrary point as sign exchange becomes more complex, reality shifts into hyperreality.

Tuesday, February 7

a last bit of sickness from the weekend the steelers won the super bowl

tragedy is taking a pessimistic view. tragedy increases as circumstances make holding the pessimistic view more and more unrealistic and irrational.

i heard an old couple saying today about how they're too old to give each other a hard time anymore. i don't know. i don't think there's a good reason to do much in life. most things people do aren't worth anything. people manipulate each other into doing things like this. and if you want to be good at useless things, you need to create a way to motivate yourself to do them for some reason. you might get jane from accounting if you get that promotion, etc.

succeed in capitalism and it will reward you with sex and love, eh?

that old couple? they don't argue anymore.

then again, my job knows what's best for me. i like myself when i'm at work, after work, before work. i get a strong taste of what i used to be like once i come back to work after a four day weekend like this last - where i sleep on floors and drink entire days. there's so much hesitation. then there's explanation for the hesitation. the explanation always carries within it an excuse for not acting.

interacting with people is a weird thing. people are a weird thing to the contemplative brain. introspective thinking can only work with what's already there. it can't understand what isn't there. interacting with people is non-simulatable (that might be the favorite word i've ever used/made up. just rolls off the tongue) to a person that is thinking.

when two people start to interact, it's like a ball of energy appears in between them. then, the two people start to play around with the ball, tugging it back and forth, flipping it high into the air, hiding it behind their backs. i'm good at all of these games (relatively) when i'm who i am at work. it's fun.

when i get back to work after four days off of smoking apples and mario kart double dash/bacardi O, i'm ashamed or something and i want to hide from almost everyone's games. about the only thing i can do is talk to this old guy about sports facts or sum up other people's opinions on sports.

my introverted personality waits for a miracle. good feelings are so vaguely distant that you have to come up with an extravagant miracle to feel anything. what you really feel is the same feeling that my extroverted personality feels when thinking about the recent exchange with the lady at the drive-through or the dog at shulie's house. extroverted-man commits miracles at ease.

i like all of my selves but i'm not sure if some of them have to disappear or not.

i have all of the answers even if the answer is 'don't worry' when i'm happy. that makes it hard to write. i only like to write about things i don't know for sure. happiness guy doesn't worry about things like that. he's too busy using his energy to smile and to stay prepared for the next interaction. he wouldn't get curiously anxious about what it means that that old couple doesn't give each other a hard time anymore. he'd think, 'well, that sounds just about right.'
 
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