for the sake of argument or rather arguing for the sake of passion for the sake of creativity and perhaps truth

i didn't do it, yet i've been accused, and so i feel an energy and a passion as strongly as i can feel anything because i'll need my every resource and every inch of focus in order to defend myself. i'm at my best because everything is on the line.

but then there come less threatening instances in life that require less urgency. still, i'd like to do my best. it can be difficult, however, to do my best without the motivation of being falsely accused.

this is why i find arguing to be an important segway - a key to the door to our passion. it's like watching Bloodsport to stir up the courage and creativity to have a friendly fight with your brother.

now, the less threatening instances i'm talking about in particular right now are questions without answers. i find it hard to progress with any new ideas about these questions if i am not utilizing firstly the energy created by interacting with another human being and secondly that energy created when arguing with another human being. just 'discussing' ideas about god, human nature, ideologies, etc, doesn't hold my interest because they don't inspire an energy in me just of themselves. i need to argue that my view on them is the correct view. and so i need to act as if there really is an anwer, and i'm the one that knows it. this, even though i would certainly never contend that i believed i was right if you caught me once my energies were back down. i will listen to reason only once my passion subsides, heh. but in the process of all of this i almost always create for myself new questions to observe or even narrow in more on what questions i'm really asking. and this is fun and exciting to me.

it's funny that it is logical to me to get worked up to argue a point i don't fully believe in because my end goal (even if it doesn't seem like it to my opponent) isn't to win but to promote rational thought and new ideas which are best formed when i'm as if walking a tightrope in concentration.

however, as the primary element of argument when you are falsely accused is to win, i notice that sometimes without conscious intentions, i allow myself to use irrational ways to win these non-threatening arguments. this usually happens probably when my opponent points out some basic flaw in my stance. at this point i usually can't simply turn off my passion now that it's flared and so i naturally/habitually dig deeper and go for the win without having logic on my side. this is not fair to my counterpart and i imagine if i could look back is what usually ends all conversation (argument) for the night.

but all of this isn't really true, just so you know. most of this really isn't true about me at all. as i've found that giving a point my best effort by arguing that it is a fact, i also look to find out about myself by arguing or stating that this or that is fully true about me. i write it down here, look at it, and realize that no, it isn't fully correct, but it was interesting to find that out. i mean, really, the only things that we know for sure are true are those things that we know for sure aren't. or isn't that right?

hmm, as i publish this it has become my birthday. that's 25 now. luckily, i feel i can say so far, so good. (but really, if 'so' means the same thing in my mind in 'so far' as it does in 'so good' then i don't really know what that phrase means. of course it means 'things are good so far' but did the phrase come about because it sounds kind of hip or poetic or is it from a dead breed of english terminology/phrasification, what) *treats fingers as if they were six-shooters being alternatively aimed up and down at the audience as the curtain closes* kind of exactly like when adam beat that albino kid in the mile run