the depletion of my machinations, or, saying words for fun

the unbearable lightness of being is really great but here i go again. i've learned some awesome frames of reference and they are invaluable to my world of categorizing but it's still just a story about people. it's hard for it to keep my interest. there's nothing to look forward to at the end for me. this kid josh illig once told me that you read a book until you get what there is to get from the author and then lay it aside. at the time i didn't understand becuase i had a special attachment to books that i read. but i don't have time for that anymore and so last night, reading the book julie let me borrow, i, reminded of it by julie the same night i got unbearable/lightness form her, began reading guns,germs,steel again. it was so much more satifying.

but a lot of times it seems like i only like something when i don't know what it's trying to say. if i knew what diamond was getting at i might not care to follow his points. it's the same with music. if i don't pay attention i can listen to the same song again and again. (this pat metheney orchestra song that i've listened to various times as i let the cd play, just caught my attention for real yesterday and amazed me. i've almost got a grasp on it though. meaning i've nearly categorized it into something recognizable and predictable. meaning i've almost sucked the meaning out of it. but also, i like it's extension of tension. also it's comparable to a living organism, this song, it behaves so lifelike)

my new health has made it easier to pay more attention to things. even almost impossible not to.

this is all good.