Bears, and how they're funny

ok, so, we all understand migration and why and how birds (for one) do it. but hibernation?? i mean, is it a myth, or do all bears all find caves to sleep in for all of winter? granted, i haven't seen that many more bears than caves in my life, but i swear there can't be that many caves out there. how weird is it that bears have caves? what's this mommy?? it's a cave. that's where bears live. i mean it's pretty funny that animals live underground in holes but for some reason it just seems so weird that bears live in caves. bats live in caves. ok, makes sense. i can understand a mountain lion ducking into one for some shelter, but this big fucking bear lives in one. and another funny thing is how everytime i imagine a bear living in a cave, the cave is kindof shaped like an igloo and is just the perfect size for him to fit comfortably. this isn't what caves are like. caves are usually humongous, or at least half of them are. do bears share these huge caves? springtime do they all come shouldering out looking for berries like bats do every night looking for hair to get caught in?

ok. another funny thing about bears comes to us courtesy the colbert report. the colbert report is former daily show expert spin-off correspondent stephen colbert doing a show that comedically mimics anderson cooper, bill o'reilly type personality one-man news shows. to be sure, there's lots of self-important hype, saying things with conviction and terrorizing audiences with conjectured statements about the horrible world outside and its threat to our nice little lives. this is where bears come in. nearly every show they make his 'Threat Down' where he lists the top five threats facing us each day. at the end he always points at the camera fixes his eyes earnestly and says, 'bears you're on notice.' another funny thing about stephen colbert's the colbert report ('report' has a silet 't' like in 'colbert') is that when he introduces his guest the guest is already sitting down at some lower level table waiting for him. colbert smartly wondered why the guest should get to walk in to applause when the show obviously should be centered around him. so instead, after introcucing the guest's name, colbert jumps up to take the applause for himself and then runs down, arms raised as if in victory, to where the guest of the night is sitting. usually he delays greeting the guest for a few moments to turn around and accept the audience's generousity with a wide grin and probably blow them kisses.

this post was forced