hey, listen to this shit, Sis

yeah, so, i had a curse placed on me the other night. well, actually, it might have been in the day time even, i don't know. actually, who the hell knows how long ago or for what reason, but things look grim.

nothing's happened yet physically. well, stuff might be happening, i keep thinking i'm seeing things changing: moles appearing or growing, an odd ache in my teeth, the recession of my fingernails, but i'm pretty sure i'm imagining it.

mentally's a little different story. sure, i may be imagining that, too, but that's the thing with the mind. even if you are just imagining it, it's still taking effect. so i've been getting a little paranoid, rightly so. yes, properly paranoid.

oh, so here's how i found out that i'm cursed. even by the end you probably won't believe me, but i'd never believe any of the shit you ever say, so i don't care at all what you say back. here's how i know i'm cursed: i had a dream about it. a whole lot of dream shit went on at first, swirling scenes and spoken words taking me from one metaphor to another. but then there was this sound of maybe like a windup toy going from highpitched/fast to slower/lower. like the township's fire alarm but only from the highest note to the lowest. the noise went away or faded into the darkness as some off-beat drumming in the background. i was just standing in the pitch-black on some kind of platform. then i saw a light. i looked closer, real close at it and it started to grow, or come toward me or i was going towards it. the light turned into a red cape or something and it sped up and before i knew it there was this giant genie-like witch looming in front of me, her lower body fading away into a mist. i cowered back a bit (i mean, of course), and i looked up at her. she wasn't looking at me. she was looking off into the distance and everything had frozen, her fingernails clawing towards her neck, her teeth bared. she was like a 3D picture.

i don't remember if that was in the middle of the night or right before i woke up. i know that you've been thinking that i've been going crazy for a long time, but i swear this happened to me last night. i swear this happened. when i woke up this phrase wouldn't stop running through my head. maybe it was going backwards or maybe it was going to fast but i couldn't tell what the words were saying. i was already late for work again, so even though i was creeped out a bit i was albe to ignore the constant droning pretty easily. it was almost just like a headache or a ringing in my ears. it continued through a shower and breakfast and the drive to work. i almost even forgot about it by the time i got there but as soon as i tried to talk to anybody it would get really loud and i'd wince and make a face that made it understandable to people when i lied and said i just had a toothache.

later in the day i started being able to work out more of the voice. i couldn't tell what was being said but i could tell it was a deeper voice. a middle aged man or a very old lady. i just kept trying to avoid everyone all day but my fucking boss kept getting on me about how i was always late. i've told you that i've sincerely wanted to kill him right? yeah, today, obviously, especially. i kept trying to be apologetic, saying, 'yeah, i know i'm on my last straw,' or whatever the fuck, but i couldn't do it with as much kiss-ass fakeness as usual and so he wouldn't leave me alone. the third time he came in my office i just got up and told him i was going to throw up and ran past him. hah, it worked so well i can't believe i've never done that before. i guess you really have to be in some real pain, not just hungover, to actually have the push to do something like that.

but anyway, yeah, i know you hate it when i talk about work and all that, but listen, when i went out onto the streets the voice started to really slow down. i could clearly tell the cadence of what was being said and it almost sounded like english. i was so concentrated on the voice that i didn't realize where i was walking. i was just walking. straight. i ended up down by Green Mart on 18th. fuckin all the bums down there. i fuckin almost tripped over this one. he didn't even have a can or his hat held out, he just fuckin was reachin out like he was trying to grab my leg or somthing. that's what sort of startled me out of my stupor-type daze. everything down there's all creepy and run-down and it started to get cold with the wind picking up and the clouds blowing in. i turned up towards Adams thinking it was more the way back towards civilization but it just seemed even more ghetto. i was having a shitty day, right?

so, but then i saw this old brick building with balloons and ribbons and shit like it was some grand ole opening, right? i crossed the street to see what was going on. there was a local radio station there and they were giving out hot dogs and orange soda. it turned out to be this new internet cafe. i was asking the guy that handed me a hot dog and he told me it was just the beginning of some renovations for the entire block. i don't know, mayor elections coming up or something, right? so i went inside and it was all super modern silver and black and filled with college-type students already. it was weird because there was no one on the streets coming in. it was like just the right amount of people had come to fill it up and nobody else even knew about it. but anyway, there was this computer open in the corner. fuckin mac. heh, yeah, sure i might like them more, eventually, but until i get used to it.

so i started to try to get to my gmail account and, weird, this is where it got really weird, these weird webpages started coming up and everything i was typing in like, i'd type and 'a' but i'd get an '*' but it wasn't an '*' it was some symbol that wasn't even on the keyboard. i would have been even more freaked out but my head started hurting so much and the voice by now seemed to be chanting in my head it was so loud. so i just kept trying to get to my gmail account, like it was just what i was doing as an afterthought while what i was really doing was dealing with the pain in my head.

i strained to look up at the monitor as if it was against my will to not look at my hands typing and i saw that i had never hit enter; i'd just kept typing hundreds and hundreds of characters into the address bar. i started to get fuckin light-headed then and the chanting got louder and fucking louder and the monitor began to fade in and out and i thought i was going to fall down out of the chair and i wanted to but it was as if my wrists were glued to the table and i couldn't stop my fingers from typing. everything got crazy and so loud and i could smell grass and manure and i felt like i could hear a rollercoaster out the window or at least the screams of people on them, how they go up and down and crescendo. fuckin, but then it all ended. my pinky finger slammed down on the enter key and all the sudden i was in control of my body again. and my mind. the voice had stopped and i felt like i'd just jerked away after dozing off for a few seconds at work. i looked around and the whole fucking computer room was empty. all the lights were off and it was dark outside - dusk, right when you'd notice it was time to go in if you were playing in the yard. maybe just because the voice was gone but it seemed so quiet, like i've never heard. yeah, of course i wanted to get the hell out of there. i mean, i know you're not believing this, if you're still reading, and i know you don't fucking care but i swear i'm not making this up. i didn't even do any drugs or nothin last night. but hey, when i looked back at the monitor the shit was all red and black. the screen was like moving and disorienting. when i looked at it it made me feel how i had just been feeling, but now i could look away and feel proper again. i could have left, but compared to the lack of control i'd been just living with i felt like i could challenge myself just a bit. i kept looking back into it. it kept making me feel disoriented.

i don't know, after a while, rediculous as the shit was, i got bored of it. there wasn't really anything else to do but look at it and feel weird. so i got up to make my way out of there. it was weird, all the fucking chairs had been swung back from under the desks like the people who had been in them had stumbled out of the place in a hurry. i had to push them all back properly to get out of the corner on my way towards the door.

i got outside and i was still creeped out but nothing happened. i caught the 71 bus at the Green Mart. i kept looking around scared thinking something would happen. but i guess everything was just normal. the only odd thing was when i was walking from the bus stop back to my apartment this guy wearing a trench coat and one of those old derby hats or something came busting out from that little alley between Jane and Smart. he was just walking but he had to have been seven fucking feet tall. he almost cut me off but didn't even look at me, he just turned the way i was going and kept walking quickly. he started putting distance ahead of me but i saw he turned right on my street by the pet store. when i myself turned that corner i saw that motherfucker go into my apartment building. i didn't see if he had a key or if he buzzed someone but i sure as fuck'd never seen him before.

but anyway, that freaked me out. when i got up to my apartment i almost thought he was going to be in there. heh, i threw the door open hard and turned on the lights in panic. nothing there, but still, i know you think i'm going crazy, but anyway, i locked the door of course and grabbed a fucking steak knife. haha, yeah, i looked all around and didn't see anyone. not like that giant could have been hiding anywhere in my small-ass apartment anyway. still, i threw back the shower curtain with fear.

so, i should have gone to bed or something but i still had no fucking idea what the hell had happened all day and i wasn't tired at all. i decided to check out my computer and see if anything weird was going on. i'd never been so timid turning on my computer before, heh. but everything seemed to work normally. gmail loaded. no fucking messages, right? whatever. but then, get this shit. right as i was ready to leave the page a freakin '1' appeared. i clicked it and it was just a link. it didn't even seem to have a name from anybody or at least i didn't make anything out. i just clicked the link. i don't know, habit? not that i wouldn't have clicked it even if i thought about it. but it took me to this historical site and to this australian aboriginal page. i read a little bit of it, just about how they live, what they eat, what tools they use and shit - i just scanned it all, but i didn't really see anything interesting. but who would send me this link? and especially today. it was all so weird, so i looked around more carefully. i scrolled to the bottom eventually and there were these freaky links about voodoo and hexes and curses and shit. not just australian shit but jamaican and all that. i hovered over them and they all indicated that they would take me to the same website. i could tell it was the same but i couldn't tell what the address was for some reason. i don't know, i fucking clicked it.

this is the holy fucking thing. this page - it wasn't weird or anything, just a normal page, as normal as a page on curses and shit can be. but it was just normal, you know. i read some of it and it was all morbid and macabre and all and then i saw this one part that was quoted. it was off to the side, not with the other text at all. i freaked out. here's what that fucking shit said:

"...and with this specific curse the subject will usually slowly become ill, more weak, more exhausted. the subject will usually not even notice as the curse works its way into the soul. only once the curse has fully embedded itself will the subject begin to notice any kind of signs. the first and most common signs will take place in the subconscious, usually as the subject dreams. the few documented experiences all reported a similar dream of a crimson lady or of a large, menacing female statue. this specific curse does not generally harm the subject throughout its lifetime. at least not noticably. the only documented cases of individuals complaining of such experiences have never noted any kind of tragic event. this specific curse is quite rare and there is very little known about it..."

i'm telling you, i'm not fucking making this up. i just copied that shit right off the page. you can fucking look it up yourself. i fucking swear. click here