can i even call them thoughts when they are this slow.

it really has been amazing recently. i can barely say that i've been around for the last few days. this meaning that what i used to think about and be present for during each day has been almost completely taken over by new things, enjoyable things, home things. like showering. it's like i don't have to be aware of doing things anymore. more, doing simple things has become like a breeze. no longer tired. no longer pressing.

there's a small danger in all of this. my mind is left to create and imagine and want and expect. instead of my body aching my mind aches. it wants. once again it know fun and enjoyment. back are the days when i'm anxious in only good ways at times. looking forward to. when this happens then there are times of frustration and annoyance about not being instantly satisfied.

these things did not exist before. they were squelched out like christmas for an eighty year old. also more and more and more and more frequently is a vague feeling of deja vu which since i don't care to fixate on the feeling doesn't ever fully become deja vu. instead i just try to turn the feeling into energy and confidence, which may simply be what the feeling actually is.

bye then