uh-oh, i'm terribly bored

being bored presupposes having energy. otherwise i'd just be terribly relaxed. excess energy feels rather new to me. stuff like this sentence happens.

mmmhmmm, should i think of something internal or external. if i go internal, it usually makes it hard to get out of it for the rest of the day. everything i'm exposed to turns into an inside story or joke with only myself. i never end up with anything much to say to anyone i'm with. but no one's here.

oh, holy shit, g.i. joe. most of us probably remember it vaguely. the name of that old cartoon might bring forth images of furious blue laser fire or maybe the 'joe knows' safety concerns at the end of the show, or the recent parodies of them. but what i want to focus on are those first images. those of (i'm laughing) furious blue laser fire. i always thought that that was all i could remember of the show because, one, i was very young, and two, because it makes sense to remember the most exciting parts. but if those japanese cartoons cause seizures because of constant, flashing colors, the Joe cartoons would have done so by stretching even a child's imagination past the tight point of tension. if i didn't watch it with three or four other appreciative people, and if i didn't laugh out loud hard every few seconds, i would go insane. and yet, the amount of times i laugh can hardly keep up with the amount of hand-spring gun pick-up-and-shoots there are in each episode.

no, no, no, no, no, it is so funny. for every piece of Cobra-crunching action there is a corresponding piece of so completely unnecessary action. and to make it even funnier, for each guy that back flips into action, there's a guy, or girl, that just simply winds up and punches. and i'll have you know, the Joe characters never miss with their hand-to-hand combat (unless they're fighting the ninja, Stormshadow) despite the fact that they often pause mid-fight to make humorous comments.

i can't stress enough the amount of action. five minutes into the first episode, fighter jets are (purposely) flying around using their jet wings to slice Cobra tanks in half. oftentimes, to add to excitement during road chases, brick walls will appear on the road from out of nowhere, just as something to crash through. this had me laughing forever, especially when i saw that after the brick wall, the road they were on before crashing through it, continued off into the horizon.

steve often says how he thinks the writers based the story line on how their kids played with their action figures. they'd sit there with their notepads writing ferociously as the kids would smash vehicles into each other or the wall.

the unnecessary is so funny. one time, the Joe characters had to disable all these bombs that Cobra had planted on top of the roofs of different local burger joints. one scene starts as a Joe member zooms on screen standing on his motorcycle. he jumps off, clinging to the gutter, as the motorcycle takes a wicked left turn all by itself and motors off screen somehow avoiding crashing into the building. There was no hurry. he could have parked his motorcycle and after deploying his kickstand, he could have easily reached the roof. but that totally would have ruined the vibe of the show.

and if you still can't believe me about the amount of rediculous action, just watch the opening credits. it's all about people jumping off of vehicles and punching people in their faces. and all in one motion. and the way that it's animated supports their moves. it always looks like they can kind of float around.

ok, and now to more about how rediculous their weapons can be. at one point, Cobra guys are teaching some new recruits out in the jungle. the instructors are showing off, trying to prove who's better at destroying a tank. well, the first guy, somehow, is really good at chainsawing tanks in half. that's tough to beat. the second guy seems lucky to find himself in possession of a flame-thrower that, within seconds, melts all tanks to the ground. the cobra-wannabes are in for a tough decision as to who they want to be their mentor. that is until the ninja, stormshadow, hops up on a fresh tank and, after a few swift, precise, karate-chops, he backflips onto the gun turret and gives one final blow. at first, nothing happens, and the other instructors being laughing at his futile attempts. but then, suddenly, all the bolts spring out of the tank and it collapses.

one time, an unimpressed Joe character is holding Stormshadow by pointing his gun at him. But, Stormshadow has other plans. he whips a chinese star at the guy and it slices up the gun. For some reason, the Joe character decides to take the ninja on hand-to-hand. well, after one chop to his neck the fight is over. he awakes a little later to his Joe comrades asking him what in the hell happened. he was like, 'i don't know. he pulled some kind of ninja hokus-pokus on me.' hahaha, he's in denial.

on and on and on

there's this tank that's called a bridge layer. it does what it's called. there's a bridge on top of it. well, once, they came to a cliffside. they were a little worried about whether it was safe or not to drive the bridgelayer tank up to the edge. that is, until one of the guys stomped his foot a bit to test if the cliff-top would hold. and the funniest thing is, is when he stomped his foot, roots and other debris broke off and fell down into the ravine. but they went ahead and drove the bridge layer up there anyway.

and if you thought that was daring, one time their fleet of tanks and motorcycles and jeeps emerged from the jungle to find another crevase. the only way to get across was this rickety, old, rope and wood bridge. someone said, 'we should check it first.' but instead, lady jane said, 'i was just about to,' and drove her troop filled jeep out onto it. the Joe guys looked to each other and shook their heads, saying, 'that gal's got guts.' well, what happened was that they were ambushed. lady jane, spirit and some other guys began to fall down into the crevase. at first, one guy was like, 'oh no!' but he was quickly consoled by his buddy, 'we're all worried about lady jane, but if there's one thing about her, she's a survivor.' and they proceeded to point at things and order troops.

oh, you have to understand how important the animals are, too. 90% of the most threatening enemies are taken out by this dog or this eagle named freedom. they are worth 50 cobra guys with laser guns.

this one time they came across these barbaric primordes. the funny thing here was the way that they were going to kill their captives. they had a huge rock and, above this huge rock they'd hung another huge rock. what a great way to sacrafice someone. well, they were all tied up to posts in the ground, and once lady jane got a look at this rock setup she thought to say, 'if any of you have anything against human sacrafices, now's the time to leave.' i think the eagle got them out of this jam.

if you want to be like me and have hours and hours of hilarious stories to tell on your bloghome, download or rent or otherwise acquire some of this classic cartoon.