thank you very much
i hate updating my blog when i'm bored. but i am so bored which means there is absolutely nothing to do or there is absolutely nothing i feel like doing. these are times when i wish my blog wasn't public. but actually that doesn't make any sense because what, i would decide to just write this down on a piece of paper? but anyway, i always end up wondering what the point of having a blog is anyway. it is something to do at work, and i appreciate that. it is a place i can put down things that i would like to get out of my head and it forces me to think about those things if i want to put them in writing. all important things in a way. but the most important thing (nathan and olivia might attest to this) is making or continuing relationships. i am not out to make a popular website. i do not wish for many people to drop by with simple comments. i only want to attract people that are willing to take time and think about things for a while, in turn forcing me to think as well.
take this for example. steve and i try to come up with an idea for a movie or a skit or whathaveyou. but really we couldn't do it. we just turned the camera on and then our minds were forced into a creative state. something came out of it. same with just thinking things or saying them to people. this page is a means of improvement in clarity and priority.
i think shawn mentioned he does this as well, but i find it best to think in statements. it's frustrating because i'm pretty sure that if you speak in statements all the time then you speak falsely all the time. or something like that that would make you think of how only 'the dark side thinks in absolutes.' but it's an ambitious way of thinking. and plus, my best motivation is to fix something i've messed up. if i say something stupid, the next thing that comes out of my mouth usually turns out to be my best work. i like to think i have a knack for recovery. this all can be linked to my depressive stages. for some reason i got in the habit of taking extreme care to not ever mess up. therefore, i never surprised myself with a energy-filling and satisfying recovery, in any form of life.
for explanation on the last phrase 'in any form of life.'
that phrase just came out. i knew there was something there i might want to better detail but i couldn't think of it at the time. by writing it it could force me to decide what i meant by it. many times though i would have just left it to the confusion or indifference of the reader. but this time i wish to analyze where it came from or what it means that i wrote it, or was there any reason to write it, or did i just write it because it sounded like something like that should go there but then i looked at what (the phrase) just came randomly out of my mind and then tried to personalize it?
so am i just making up sentences and then after looking at them utilizing sentences to make the made up ones make sense? i guess it's kind of like brainstorming.
this is all different of course if you have an objective in mind. when you don't have one in mind though, what are you going for?
oh yeah, alleviation of boredom.
take this for example. steve and i try to come up with an idea for a movie or a skit or whathaveyou. but really we couldn't do it. we just turned the camera on and then our minds were forced into a creative state. something came out of it. same with just thinking things or saying them to people. this page is a means of improvement in clarity and priority.
i think shawn mentioned he does this as well, but i find it best to think in statements. it's frustrating because i'm pretty sure that if you speak in statements all the time then you speak falsely all the time. or something like that that would make you think of how only 'the dark side thinks in absolutes.' but it's an ambitious way of thinking. and plus, my best motivation is to fix something i've messed up. if i say something stupid, the next thing that comes out of my mouth usually turns out to be my best work. i like to think i have a knack for recovery. this all can be linked to my depressive stages. for some reason i got in the habit of taking extreme care to not ever mess up. therefore, i never surprised myself with a energy-filling and satisfying recovery, in any form of life.
for explanation on the last phrase 'in any form of life.'
that phrase just came out. i knew there was something there i might want to better detail but i couldn't think of it at the time. by writing it it could force me to decide what i meant by it. many times though i would have just left it to the confusion or indifference of the reader. but this time i wish to analyze where it came from or what it means that i wrote it, or was there any reason to write it, or did i just write it because it sounded like something like that should go there but then i looked at what (the phrase) just came randomly out of my mind and then tried to personalize it?
so am i just making up sentences and then after looking at them utilizing sentences to make the made up ones make sense? i guess it's kind of like brainstorming.
this is all different of course if you have an objective in mind. when you don't have one in mind though, what are you going for?
oh yeah, alleviation of boredom.
on a whim, chad was marco @ 1:18 PM
2 $BlogItemCommentCount$:
At 8:19 PM,
Anonymous said…
haha. in any form of life, you're funny.
At 2:45 PM,
chad was marco said…
thanks liz.
i'm still often astounded that anyone can sit through many of the things i write.
even if i don't have a point, it feels good to write words down. it feels like a release. i think i would like to do it more, but i feel like i would fill up these pages with so much nonsense that i would force my friends to lose interest. but despite the fact that having people read what i write can cause me to write better, i still sometimes wish to write as if no one is listening at all.
[on and on and on...(someone might tell me to just do what i want to do. but 'how i feel' determines what i want to do. -skipping all kinds of thoughts that would connect the last thoughts to the new ones- it all kind of relates to having to be in the right kind of mood to do things. sometimes you experience moods at the age of 24 that you've never experienced before.
...and on - it's funny how you might be planning on going to a place. say, you imagine the place you are going to to a T. you know just what it looks like and just what the atmosphere will be like. but when you get there it is nothing like you imagined because how you feel when you are there determines what that place is like, not a perfect picture of it.)]
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