hey, sorry i was bugging you

was just what i told my brother.

well, here we go.

ice cubes floating in some black liquid sure does influence my posting frequency, no? yes, is the answer. wheras, (which isn't a word) (i think) beer just makes me want to sleep. but this time, i'm up and about, as it is, and i'm spitting bunches, as you might get. but if you don't, i'm careless.

so, life. as buzzy once put it, "today, huh!' it was a great day, and for him, for sure. getting what he hoped for was all he could have wanted for that day. he was on top of his world, buzzy.

i used to work for him. cool guy. he liked to cook spicy sausages and go to the lounge, drink beer. lots of women there, till it burned down. now, i, personally, stay home, drink alcohol, play cards. both of which i don't particularly enjoy anymore. but i'm on a new kick. i'm the one in charge now, during conversation. it's how i feel that matters. it's invigorating. and although it still doesn't seem fair, it seems real. it matters, and i feel like life is involved with me again, and i get where people are coming from, when it comes to gossip. i'm like, 'yeah, he/she makes me feel this/that way. and me and implied conversationalist may, once again, nod in agreement. so, in summary, i know where you are coming from - the ego.

no longer is there soley, you feel one way about something and then, in response, i say i could feel the other way about it. no, i think i'll see what you mean. do you know what i mean? i hope so.

on to something else.

if i told you there was a beautiful tree in your forest, would you take a walk to go see it. i hope you would. i'd imagine that there was a large antlered buck perched next to it and it would run off at your noise and disappear into the mist. i'd hope you'd search after it. imagine where that mist would take you. imagine that it would take you deep into the forest, dark except for some red and blue lanterns hung from the trees. imagine that you'd transform your mind from its ordinary state and you'd become just naturally curious, as if in some fantastical fairy tale or some wondrous dream. what do you imagine you'd run across next? would it be alluring or frightening, or relaxing, controlling? i'd hate to think that it would make you think. i'd rather you just get caught up in its flow.

in youth, there is so much energy that you force your way against the current in attempt to make your mark. you don't know that you are already a mark. and anything that you do is of less effect than your overallness. it doesn't matter that you spin around or stay, hardpressed, at the beginning of the current. you were in there, and everyone noticed.

direct yourself as if you were the creator. and don't regret that you weren't it all.

but i've been restricting my buzz in an attempt for clarity. but clarity doesn't cometh. and so a brass plate, made to shield, falls upon its empty side, armless, and thus useless. cigarettes burn, without two fingers, and yet this won't become depressive, because two eyes burn, blue or brown, and we all see them, and a face describes them with expressions, and someone looks closely, and we remember a dream from last night, but only in feeling, and there was something involved, that meant a lot. it was us that had that, and it was us that mattered. a shield can protect, but not disguise, yon cowboys, and girls.

now this is getting somewhere.

imagine that every word i've said was italicized. imagine that every thought you've thought was in bold. this is what we want. it would help reduce some redundancy. a redundant one, is one who was not cared for. a redundant one, is one who then doesn't care.

most of our gods demand that we love and care for all things. our gods do not suggest this. and so, we, the creators of our gods, do not, ideally, believe that we should go around apathetically. it does matter, and how will you continue, i ask, at least, myself. empathetically, i'd hope.

but before any thoughts are conjured, i'll end in a different fashion. i've taken up this role, and i unashamedly won't forget it; belief, hope and faith, really should be our god, and love falls somewhere in the middle there.