personality problems
i love to be a dickhead. it's so much fun being an asshole as long as you can do it without hurting other people's feelings. i'd hate to make someone mad at me but i'm most natural when i'm being a smart-ass. i hate meeting new people because i have to be so nice to them. i want people to be really close friends with me so that i can be a dick and it doesn't bother them. (or doesn't bother them much)
it's funny when after i've hung out with people for like a month (the halo2 gang or my assistant manager when i sold insurance) i get drunk or just finally fed up and i start cocking off and wisecracking. i never say anything personally about them (actually it's a compliment to them that i can feel comfortable enough to act like myself) but they're always surprised because i gave off such a nice guy persona for so long. like, as if i was a guy that would get touchy if i heard them swear or talk about fucking chicks.
i find that if i start off the relationship acting all critical my new friends will be hesitant to open up to me. i want them to open up to me. i'd never insult them personally. and more important i wouldn't even have a thought enter my head about judging them. example: if i'm behind a lady who's driving like an idiot i start to get annoyed (depending on my mood) but if she puts out her head and says sorry i'm quick to laugh and say no problem. even better, if she turns and flips me off, i'd try to smile and say no problem and try to get her to not be mad at me. that's the point, i'd never even consider a joke that i'd think would hurt someone personally.
so even if my friend does and says things that any jerk could come in and make fun of, i'd never even consider them weird or dorky. in fact, i like being weird and dorky myself. however, people who are like this are used to getting ridiculed and are usually lacking in self-confidence. if i started off being an ass we'd never be able to be friends because they'd be too passive. usually these people are the most creative and good-natured human beings and so this is why i like to be around them. hey, this is all based on me too. i would have a hard time opening up to people who seemed to have an opinion on everything and so i just act like i'd like other people to act. no big deal.
it's not that i'm a real dickhead either. it's more like, i don't say please or i sound commanding or i repeat what someone said exaggerrating the part where what they said sounded really stupid and i'd laugh and laugh and would hope that they would too because it wasn't exactly how they sounded and i'd try to point out that i understood what they meant but i'd laugh at what it almost sounded like they were saying, and whatnot.
oh, unrelated to all this, except maybe the title:
i think that i don't deserve what i want and i need to look into that degenerative belief.
it's funny when after i've hung out with people for like a month (the halo2 gang or my assistant manager when i sold insurance) i get drunk or just finally fed up and i start cocking off and wisecracking. i never say anything personally about them (actually it's a compliment to them that i can feel comfortable enough to act like myself) but they're always surprised because i gave off such a nice guy persona for so long. like, as if i was a guy that would get touchy if i heard them swear or talk about fucking chicks.
i find that if i start off the relationship acting all critical my new friends will be hesitant to open up to me. i want them to open up to me. i'd never insult them personally. and more important i wouldn't even have a thought enter my head about judging them. example: if i'm behind a lady who's driving like an idiot i start to get annoyed (depending on my mood) but if she puts out her head and says sorry i'm quick to laugh and say no problem. even better, if she turns and flips me off, i'd try to smile and say no problem and try to get her to not be mad at me. that's the point, i'd never even consider a joke that i'd think would hurt someone personally.
so even if my friend does and says things that any jerk could come in and make fun of, i'd never even consider them weird or dorky. in fact, i like being weird and dorky myself. however, people who are like this are used to getting ridiculed and are usually lacking in self-confidence. if i started off being an ass we'd never be able to be friends because they'd be too passive. usually these people are the most creative and good-natured human beings and so this is why i like to be around them. hey, this is all based on me too. i would have a hard time opening up to people who seemed to have an opinion on everything and so i just act like i'd like other people to act. no big deal.
it's not that i'm a real dickhead either. it's more like, i don't say please or i sound commanding or i repeat what someone said exaggerrating the part where what they said sounded really stupid and i'd laugh and laugh and would hope that they would too because it wasn't exactly how they sounded and i'd try to point out that i understood what they meant but i'd laugh at what it almost sounded like they were saying, and whatnot.
oh, unrelated to all this, except maybe the title:
i think that i don't deserve what i want and i need to look into that degenerative belief.
on a whim, chad was marco @ 6:32 PM
4 $BlogItemCommentCount$:
At 6:59 PM,
chad was marco said…
yes my writing style and even content is almost totally influenced by maddox. ah, how refreshing :}
At 7:22 PM,
chad was marco said…
i hope i'm not stealing anyone's comment here, but did that post just consist of only: me calling myself an asshole and me desparately trying to explain why i'm not an asshole. yes, yes it did.
and sorry goes out to you two who try to keep up with my rediculously stupid habit of changing my title. it's so immature and exactly the problem with me. or it's kind of fun and a good reflection of my personality.
i can't believe how much my sister is just like napoleon dynamite. dustin, my brother-in-law, gave such a good example of her. i, being a fashion and designing expert lately, noticed the nice mantle arrangement in their living room. dustin said, 'hmmm, that is nice, i never noticed,' and he laughed. i told him he should tell my sister because i was thinking that women like that kind of stuff. but he quickly reminded me that we were talking about my sister here. he said, "no," no that she wouldn't like him to tell her. he said, "she'd say," and dustin perfectly imitated her using an exasperated air and as if she was trying so hard to get all of the words out in one angry breath, "You're just now noticing!!"
haha, but oh, that's not my sister. she'd say that but it's not like she really cared. ohhhhh, too much exaggerration can really hamper a mind's clarity. i always have the impulse to exaggerrate. however, i've never exaggerrated a story. it's funny though because it'd be so easy to that i try so hard to emphasize to others that i'm telling the truth that they tend not to believe me. braaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh.
At 10:01 PM,
chad was marco said…
oh, what i meant by a story was telling people something that happened to me. i was just trying to say that i don't exaggerate things that happen (read: i don't lie for effect). however, i rarely tell a 'story' about things thathave really happened on my blog here. here i talk about my thoughts and my thoughts keep themselves from going insane by equally exaggerrating good and bad things. hmmm, i know there's an easy way to explain this but i have so much trouble doing things the easy way. (now there, that sentence is most likely an exaggeration)
i'm not saying it's bad to exaggerate or lie when telling a story. hey, make people laugh or become more interested if you wish to by saying you punched the guy in the face when all you did was push him. life's too short to nitpick all the details because that could bog down the energy of your story. however, i learned this after i created the habit of being extremely conscious of telling the truth to as exact as possible. so saying though, i'm sure i don't myself all the time.
so yeah, i see what you're saying about what is a truthful retelling. history books differ from country to country on the same events. or, the child experienced the same baseball games through eyes much different than his father's. but still, i'd hold them both to factually recounting the correct score of the game or the victor of the war.
At 10:01 PM,
chad was marco said…
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
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