Hi, remember me?

(whoa. i need to make a foreward for this post. ok, inside these parentheses it is the morning after i hit publish to the below post. it did not go through, however, like many things don't when home with dial-up. although i was fairly relieved that this was not published, i'm going to publish it now anyway. if you don't care for listening to drunken morons, use your mouse to point your arrow up and to the right and choose the next blog. but there may be something to writing without any thought. i do need to inform you that the post changes gears as is indicated by paragraph length. the first few sections are like a disgusting appetizer for some alien food main course and if you even get the nerve to dig into what's under the silver lid you'll probably do so with a slanted eye and a tentative fork because you know that the same cook prepared these first sentences with his same hands, and you've vowed to never taste those appetizers again. but perhaps the main dish will be shrimp!)



I'm drunk. it must seem like i do that a lot, but don't forget to catagorize things. if catagorizing is not your favortie option you might seem like you like to forget. oh, this is so ridiculous. and i am intending that.

forever for now and please believe me when i tell you that forget is an option that is so often unremembered. lately, there is much that is brainworthy and never have i not been so unworth that. there is much that is degenerative here. like the spelling for one. at least i'd imagine.

oh, my essence. how uncaringful. that is certainly a mindstorm of many potentials. there is such nonsense and that really should have been the title of this wicked maelstrom of blutheringness. for, don't unknow this ness. it is so the realness of stupidity. wherever haven't you come up with such paragraphs and lack of togetherness of thought, idea and understanding. it isn't even really that i'm that intoxicated, just that uncaring. you know?

i really hope you aren't enjoying this. it might hurt me personally if you did. but i really don't think i'm that worried about it. i won't lose sleep.

nothingness and forever have been forgotten in an audiopost unpublished and boy i've really come up off the hook, for when has the time of the night become such an imposter that i think that my sayings are so void.

so blogger says i can free associate here and i think i'll and have taken such advantage.

keyboard equals tappiness as thinking equals numb blinking.
friendship equals nods and chat as ..................

i've reread this post so far and have decided that it is very worthy of publishing, if not for what was but for what is to come:

that last sentence has really put a lot of pressure on me and so instead of living up to it i've broken down and contemplated it. the contemplation has really gone quite unrealised though and so i hope that my current phrases will enter you into a hate that has so far been unbecoming. i would not like that you will have considered my dumbness and more, i would like that you shy away from such yourself. at least let this be a lesson for all those who think that beginning every sentence with whatever you feel like will learn that sometimes nothing comes out of thoughtlessness. and even if this seems natural to believe you must realize that i know a lot about you and you may wish to uptake a wary stance when next time you try to reveal your being. i may consider you with thought that you may never have considered and so you must take into account the unknown takings of your own writing intentions.

and this is exactly why i am hesitant to connect my commenting name with my posts of choice because i do wish to have the freedom to say words of no use and write phrases of no relevance, and it is quite freeing to know that sometimes i can be hated and be the subject of disgust and yet laugh it off because sometimes i'm in a mood that would give anything to be just like that and i'd give all fake thoughts that i'm composed to just acquire a feeling where i am now which is like a feeling that i can be, beyond any questioning of why i should be or how i should be and so i end up being jack's destroyed coherence. jack's forgotten ego. jack's release of care. jack's omittence of reason. jack's embarrassment of self. i have all of this going for me and yet, no one will see it as success. except for me now and certainly not tomorrow.

i'm still not done, however, and you will see that these thoughts are not without commonplace, they are just without comraderie. you will think that as all of time has an investment with forward type realizations that sometimes a pastward glance might turn your reality into a grim fight between your previous self and the self that you always wanted to be, and your real self will cower at the thought of that struggle and you might sing some notes never aligned before and you will love their flow and you will continue to put them together and you will create a song just for yourself and in many futures to come someone else will realize the beauty of it (for it would never be derived from logical progression) and they will repeat it enough times with the accompaniment of a popular commercial, and your ancestors that come after you will rue the day they sold that antique picture of you and your wife and they will grow angry at your discomforting nonconfidence that you worked so hard to acquire and bloody swords will grow rich at your succumbing and unforwardness and the ancient tread of the universe will once again pass over your elements and again without recognition, for you didn't demand your own self and so it didn't take notice and neither did anyone else and the dinosaur that your race became had one less accomplishment and one less reason to be remembered and one less experience point, and suns imploded at your failure and you never connected a planet with its ring and time continued to travel right past your essence as if your existence barely aggravated it and only the most astute android ever knew that something had been there, even if it was just a passing body with a passive hope with a passive scream of passion unheard through all the cosmic cries for recognition of existence. will you be heard?

if you are wondering what will happen if you are not, do not consider that you will simply be placed in a lingo where all of your kind can congregate. you would not be deserving of that fate. if you have not faced the gods and won you will be denied all kinds of life and all kinds of dreams so that the clouds of your heaven will be worse than blackened, they will be ignorant of you, they will be dead to your gaze and even your imagination. you will be able to dream only of dreams and you will see only the absence of things. your feelings will be found only in memories and your will will aspire only to try. and to try you will never be allowed. your fingernails will never ascend from yourself outward and your tongue will be forever fixed in one place. beware! you do not wish to belittle your ability to change.

if, on the other hand, you choose to defy that fate, raise high your fists and put up your chosen stance of defence, for you will experience far worse peril. you will gain lemons for eyes and experience veins full of mucus. you will grow a tomato for a heart and all song will resemble despair. but, you will know hope, for you will be granted to know the feeling of a rainbow and you will become best friends with the streaming rain and the trees will lend you secrets and Spring will adorn your eyelids and though you bellow squeals of torture you will do so in hope that lives as real in your heart as blue lives in the sky and green lives in the ocean and you will change unlike your doppleganger of stone who grew cold and lifeless and indifferent to the worms crawling up his windpipe and you will have experienced the worst and the best and god will favor you, for you will have been human.