Assuming I Have Children
There's something different between knowing what someone's problem is and knowing what that person needs to correct their problem. Too many people think they can just identify your problem and then tell you that fixing what is wrong is all you have to do. Maybe it's just me but no coach has ever helped me correct a problem I've had. Telling me "Bend at the knee more," or "It's all in the hips," is like telling me, "Bowl a strike," or "Write the perfect essay." I can't just order myself to be perfect.
Wow. I can tell that I must really need patience from people. What I really need from myself must be a clear, constant vision of each particular goal that I have. The problem is, it would seem, that with a goal comes failure and I don't usually respond to my own failure with patience. Hmm. I hope I can get all of this straight by the time I have children.
Wow. I can tell that I must really need patience from people. What I really need from myself must be a clear, constant vision of each particular goal that I have. The problem is, it would seem, that with a goal comes failure and I don't usually respond to my own failure with patience. Hmm. I hope I can get all of this straight by the time I have children.
on a whim, chad was marco @ 7:37 PM
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At 12:03 AM,
Anonymous said…
See, that's why I plan on never having kids. I like being able to screw up without damaging other people.
Seriously though, I know what you mean re: identifying vs. correcting a problem. When I used to sit on my therapist's couch really depressed and lonely and she'd say something like, "You need to get out more," I would wonder how the fuck she got a PhD.
Identifying problems is a good first step though, I guess. Same with formulating goals: at least you have them, you know? That's more than a lot of people can say.
But you said, "with a goal comes failure." Not necessarily. It might take more time than you initially anticipated to attain a goal, or you might periodically revise and discard certain goals, but that's not failure. I think people who take a long time to figure out where they're going in life - who take a meandering and thoughtful path on the way there - tend to be a lot more interesting than someone who "succeeded" more quickly.
You'll get there; I've got faith in you. So: be patient. Ha.
At 5:08 PM,
chad was marco said…
i can't believe how horrible comment loading time has gotten. it's easier to post on your site even with the human validation test. anyway, i think i've complained about this on most of my recent comments.
'screw up without damaging other people.' yeah, i know the notion.
did i say i had any goals? well, if i did or thought i did i was lying. well, in the most general way i suppose i do have goals. actually, i feel like i'm kind of accomplishing them but i don't get a feeling of satisfaction, more just that these perceived accomplishments don't push me to do anything concrete.
talk of failure? well, anytime i mention it just consider me bullshitting. i mean, what i write here is not really who i am or what i think normally. it's the nagging, questioning, contemplating part of me that i don't even utilize when things are going really well. when things aren't going that well it's not that i don't lose confidence either. i just lose energy. instead of doing i defer to thinking. when i realized that the thinking was not in itself a completeness i had to turn it into something that was, or turn it into something that was more of something, i.e. this blog and its requirements on me to actually get some of it out of my head and allow me to look at it somewhat more objectively. i think you know what i mean. you often say that you aren't the wallow drallow (ha) of your site. anyway, my friend steve put it best, concerning thinking vs. action. over a cigarette last night he (a schoolteacher) told me that he's realizing that he's in control of how his class goes. when he's full of energy he jumps on misbehaving kids immediately and the rest of the kids see this and fall in line. but when he's low on energy and he sees a kid talking during a movie or something he might start thinking that maybe he should do something about it instead of reacting. i'm tired of thinking. i want to act. and in this goal, i'm very much experiencing success lately. i haven't had this much energy at the end of days since i participated in after school sports. what i'm finding very interesting are the changes in my muscle usage and posture. when i was in highschool sports i gave extreme effort compared to now. so then, i was less balanced. my energy level peaked and is it troughed?. no. but you know what i'm saying. my goals fell in line as well. the most unrealistic goals seemed easily attainable at lunch but terribly impossible at night. now, i'm sort of leveling off. also my awareness is more consistent. because of this i'm noticing with greater detail my change in alignment. things are less of a mystery and i feel more in control.
ok, anyway, thanks for the words; you're so nice. but my favorite thing you said was "Ha."
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