in keeping with and all that that i've done

What is the key to an idea? I'm sure it's pre-existing human energy. (is that kinetic, or the other kind) What is the key to a smile? A gay heart? When is a heart gay? An environmentally determined moment? Why can sadness be so delicious? Why do I care?

Why is blogging? Why is 'it matters?' Why is 'it mattered?' Why does something help? Why do you care? I'm serious.

Oh, has everyone already asked these questions? So will you tell me I don't have to? Oh, how silly I'm asking them? 'Oh, how silly!' I noted in embarrassment from the future. What scorn!

But it matters right here. at the end of that period. and with that second sentence it ceased to matter. for the moment.

ouch, isn't bad. and yay faded. what now?

OH. so, it's over? that's gone? that was all?

Begin again? I could only hope. there's nothing else that i can see. it just goes back again. with a new point of view at least? please?

wait, what this? i can't see it? what do you mean? but, i can't see it! WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

But, wait, if that's it then...

so i guess i was wrong. but that means, if this is always how it's been, then next time it will even be harder to see. i probably won't be able to do it again. but WHAT THEN? if i can't do it next time? if i get caught up even more? the pattern's already set. the habit WON'T be broken!!

so the best for me is that i'll end up searching for the grail. will i at least have hope? i'll settle for that...i suppose.

thanks for the chance. i suppose i just made a few mistakes. i guess it's not so bad, what happened to me. it wasn't my worst fears or anything. just - this