But Bed is Found Unwilling
Unwilling like another round, once the bar has shut off its lights. So I'm left dazed and over-satisfied, but I'm stubbornly going to continue. I'll regret it in the morning, as it were.
I once was faced with a choice: to believe or not. I choose to not. I went every which way thinking that I was in a world without limits. I confused others, and I became confused. I was quick to disagree with agreement, and I agreed, hastily, with all that seemed bewildering. There was no rhyme and there was no reason. However, there was plenty of 'stuff,' and that was where i placed my purpose.
Eventually, it all fizzled itself back into nothingness, and I was forced to believe once again. It was all so clear, and when I looked at my own essence I saw it to be unclear. Clarity used to serve me; now it had become my antithesis. But in the morning there may be a new kind of light, shedding a new hue, and with that may come a new sense of clarity. Maybe I was wrong about being wrong, all along.
I once was faced with a choice: to believe or not. I choose to not. I went every which way thinking that I was in a world without limits. I confused others, and I became confused. I was quick to disagree with agreement, and I agreed, hastily, with all that seemed bewildering. There was no rhyme and there was no reason. However, there was plenty of 'stuff,' and that was where i placed my purpose.
Eventually, it all fizzled itself back into nothingness, and I was forced to believe once again. It was all so clear, and when I looked at my own essence I saw it to be unclear. Clarity used to serve me; now it had become my antithesis. But in the morning there may be a new kind of light, shedding a new hue, and with that may come a new sense of clarity. Maybe I was wrong about being wrong, all along.
on a whim, chad was marco @ 2:21 AM
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At 3:21 PM,
ClickNathan said…
I like who you've become, good man.
Clearly much much has changed in you over the past few months and I'm not sure if it's a reversion to your old self, the one I possibly met but who left quickly, or if it is someone completely new.
But you seem to have gone through a strange period, for most of when I've known you, that you were obviously cool but not in a position to excersize such cool.
Cool = free thinking, amazing, realizes the vast potential of all things and how to possibly harness that
Cool does not = sunglasses and having a "Z" shaved into the back of your head
It could though.
Anyway, Shawn went through a strange period a while back too where he was sort of "off" from the normal Shawn I knew.
At the time I thought, wow, is Shawn now getting older and changing in a way that will make him an old fecker, like our parents?
He came back out of it.
I am quite certain that I've been there before as well.
I'm not trying to put anyone down at all, but instead trying to say that I do think that as people grow older they inevitably become more like our parents, well, I don't really know your parents but I know their generation, and they sort of bore me with their obvious willingness to just join the ranks of sleep eat talk weather type of existence, instead of ever questioning, really trying to uproot it all. So knowing that I believe that as we all get older we all become more like this, it makes me happy that we can actually change in a million ways and still stay ... well, curious...unique maybe...something. Something more magickal or zen than just average existence.
'stance.
I had something completely different to say upon beginning this comment.
At 2:59 PM,
chad was marco said…
do you know j krishnamurti? steve introduced him to me. go here and explore a little of his teachings if you wish. http://www.jkrishnamurti.org/
they're under public talks and on problems with living and whatnot. anyway, and i can't help but feel compelled to talk about my 'strange period,' he talks about finding the observer within yourself. he says something like that you observe yourself from somewhere. once you identify this observer you eventually form an observer of the observer. this may be hard to understand theoretically but it is easy to know what he means when you try to apply it to real life. during my period of time recently, i seemed only able to maintain who i had been. i no longer had the 'overflowing energy' that i like to talk about that allowed me to create fun, exciting situations myself like i used to. i, note, could still respond to them. i define that overflowing energy as the time that i am doing things while not contemplating them at the same time. after i experience these overflows of energy i look back at what i did and realize that i was working on a different level than when i'm looking back and weighing things and thoughts. when i was a kid i contemplated things much less.
oh, anyway.
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